I Will Carry You

Briley Kate Pettway 2 pounds 2 onces 15 inches

Layla Grace Pettway 2 pounds 1.5 ounces 14 inches

Precious Layla

It's hard to believe that TODAY was the original due date for our two little girls. I just can't imagine what it would be like to erase the past...to have our two babies here healthy and on time. But life gave us a different path, and God is helping us find the good in it. Words escape me today. There's a big hole in my heart, and sometimes all you can do is cry. I'm reminded of a song by casting crowns:

I was sure by now

That you would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen" and its still raining.

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear you whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

I'll praise you in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For you are who you are

No matter where I am

And every tear I cry, you hold in your hands

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I'll praise you in this storm

I remember when

I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry

You raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can't find you?

And as the thunder rolls

I barely hear you whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills...where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The maker of heaven and earth.

I love you both, more than words can express. I'm so blessed that God allowed me to be your mommy!

Summertime

Summer is officially here in the good ole south.  Temperatures of up to 100 already, so we're hiding inside!  We weighed Briley Kate about a week ago and she had cleared 6 pounds...I think she's inching towards 7 right now!  People ask me if she's a good baby...and she really has been.  However, this past weekend she found her voice.  Brian was out of town for about 4 days, so sleep deprived and cranky BK and I made our way through her tirades.  She's not that bad, but for a baby that has done nothing but eat and sleep (no crying at all) a few crying spells in the middle of the night has just seemed impossible to me!  My due date is just 3 days away, so BK will officially be a newborn...i think this may be the cause for her newfound fussiness.  Here are some updated pictures that are long overdue.

Growing Like a Weed!

Sleeping Beauty

Snoozin in the swing...her new favorite place.

BK enjoying some good tummy time.

Well we went to our pediatrician on monday.  It was basically a weight check.  At discharge last monday she weighed 4 pounds and 8 ounces, just one week later she weighed 5 pounds and 5 ounces!!!  What are we feeding her?!  She's an eater...definitely her parents daughter!  We have just been enjoying every moment with her.  While it can be tough sometimes, we just can't get enough!  At the rate she's growing, she'll be a grown up before we know it.   

Life has been good this past week.  I went back to work on tuesday (yes...i cried).  It took me a few hours to get readjusted to the fast paced hospital life, my coworkers lovingly called it "baby brain".  The hours passed quickly, but I knew she was in the good hands of both my husband and Grandma Ju Ju.  So today we are just enjoying each other.  Basking in the glory of what God has entrusted me with...a tiny life that holds our hearts and embodies what Love truly is.  Since it has been so warm outside, we have taken her on a few walks and the other day, Aunt Kate came over and snapped a few shots of Briley Kate outside.  It was fun and BK was a good sport about it.  Gotta capture these sweet moments before they are gone! 

Love to All,

Leanne and Brian  

Sweet Pea

Inexpressible JOY!

So, we're home at last!!  Briley Kate joined us at home on monday afternoon.  She's so tiny in her carseat that I nearly had a nervous breakdown trying to make sure she was still breathing on the ride home.  Silly Leanne...of course she's breathing, they wouldn't discharge her unless they were completely sure she was ready to come home! (I repeat this to myself at least 5 times a day).  We didn't sleep much at the hospital sunday night...between the "weird" noises she kept making and the slamming doors from other areas around the unit, we probably got an hour each.  I finally had to ask the nurse about the strange grunting noises she makes pretty much all night long.  The nurses told me that they call it the "grunt-n-grow".  Its a preemie thing...but she does it ALL the time.  With that said, I would rather listen to her grunt all day every day than not have her here.   She's really a very good baby, doesn't cry much at all.  We feed her, sneak in a little snuggle time and then she's back to the bassinet to grunt a little longer.  We had a apt this morning at the outpatient clinic, just to make sure she was still gaining weight and get any questions we had answered.  She weighed 4 pounds 8 ounces at discharge, and now we're up to 4 pounds 11 ounces.  This is awesome considering some preemies lose weight the first few days at home.  

Brian and I tease that I'm the "wash your hands, don't sneeze on my baby, don't come near me if your sick, over-protective baby nazi".  While we tease, all these things are true.  However, the nurse told me today that I had every right to be that way and in fact she expected it.  We are the advocates for our child, and I couldn't bear if something happened to her that I could have tried to prevent.  With that said...I apologize in advance to anyone that might cross my path when I'm on this tirade, but think how much you love her and I'm sure you'll understand why I'm like this.  

It's an inexpressible JOY i have now that she's home.  Joy mixed with nerves and sleeplessness, but Joy nonetheless.  However, sorrow hides deep within.  The "why's?" start to resurface and my soul aches with questions about why I can't bring both of my babies home.  Please pray and thank God for the miracles he has performed for us.  Pray for worries eased, and for a stillness that allows my soul to find God in the midst of an inexpressible pain.  Thanks to all who have supported and prayed for us!!  I will post pictures of our little Love at home soon!